7 Underrated Habits (and 7 Overrated Ones) That Actually Change Your Life

Not all habits are created equal. Here’s a no-BS breakdown from Mark Manson on which ones deserve hype—and which are totally overblown.

Key Takeaways

Goals help you start, not finish. Use them to orient, not obsess.
Real self-care feels like effort, not indulgence. Bed-rotting is not a health plan.
Romance is the icing, not the cake. Don’t confuse drama with depth.
Friendship outranks romance for long-term mental health.
Good therapy is gold. Bad therapy is worse than none.
Dancing and music can lift your mood faster than most paid interventions.
The right habits depend on your phase of life—and not everything needs optimizing.
Boredom, belief, and basic routines matter more than biohacks.
Real life isn’t optimized. It’s practiced, imperfect, and rhythmic.

Underrated: Friendship Over Romance

Friendship isn’t just nice—it’s critical. Data shows social isolation is as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It wrecks your body, not just your mood.
While romantic relationships get all the movies and novels, it’s friends who usually catch you in day-to-day life. They’re the steady heartbeat behind mental health.
Friends hold your history. They’ve seen you ugly cry. They’ve carried your groceries. They’re not just side characters—they’re your emotional infrastructure.
In adulthood, people forget how to make and maintain friendships. But it’s the #1 buffer against depression. It’s also a predictor of longevity.
Friendship = not feeling alone with someone. Mark says: “Quote that shit. Put that on Instagram.” It’s not poetic. It’s clinical.
Romantic love can be chaotic. Friendship is often the steadier source of connection. And when romance breaks, who do you run to? Your friends.

Overrated: Goals as Endpoints

Goals are useful—but only if you treat them like lighthouses, not prisons. They orient. They shouldn’t trap you.
You should quit goals when they stop serving you. Obsession is not discipline. It’s performance anxiety with better branding.
Mark suggests you should be quitting a lot of your goals—they were stepping stones, not destinations. Outgrowing a goal isn’t failure. It’s growth.
Hitting the goal doesn’t always equal success. Sometimes it feels like relief. Other times, just emptiness. That’s not a sign something’s wrong. It’s human.
Derek Sivers: “Goals should serve you, not the other way around.”
Your values matter more than your milestones. A goal without values becomes a treadmill.

Underrated: Journaling the Hard Stuff

Journaling is deceptively simple and massively helpful. It clears mental clutter and tracks growth. It’s therapy without the invoice.
The best journaling isn’t fluffy. It’s messy, raw, and full of self-interrogation. It sounds like “Why did I do that?” or “What am I pretending not to know?”
Avoid the prompt-a-day kits asking about your favorite color. Ask what you regret. What you’re avoiding. What’s hurting.
The cringe stuff is gold. Reading old entries shows how far you've come—and how many loops you’ve broken.
You won’t always feel the impact in the moment, but it compounds. Journaling is savings interest for your soul.
It builds pattern recognition. Emotional fluency. And, when needed, brutal honesty.

Overrated: Romance as Relationship Glue

Romance doesn’t sustain love. Respect, trust, and stability do. Romance is the glitter—not the glue.
People sacrifice their values and ignore red flags chasing cinematic romance. It feels dramatic. But drama doesn’t equal depth.
It creates emotional whiplash: dramatic highs followed by toxic lows. And we mistake this turbulence for passion.
You need some romance. But it’s a bonus, not the base. The heartbeat of a good relationship is shared purpose.
Mark: “All your worst decisions were made while on romance.” Probably true. Definitely funny.
Build relationships that feel like recovery, not relapse.

Underrated: Music, Dancing, Movement

Physical activity boosts mood. Dancing tops the list. It’s cardio with a soundtrack and soul.
It’s free, fun, and instantly shifts your state. You don’t need to be good at it. You just need to move.
Mark: “It’s impossible to dance and be unhappy.” Neuroscience agrees—movement rewires mood.
Music helps with ADHD, depression, and focus. And still, people overlook it because it’s too easy.
Yet nobody writes books about it. Just put on your favorite song and move. It works faster than most mindfulness apps.
If your mental state feels stuck, move your body and see what follows.

Overrated: Self-Care as Indulgence

Real self-care is brushing your teeth, going to therapy, paying bills. It’s boring, repetitive, and rarely Instagrammable.
What passes for self-care online is often just avoidance dressed up as empowerment. Bubble baths don’t pay your credit card.
Bed-rotting and blowing money on retreats isn’t healing—it’s escape. Rest is necessary. But routine is sanity.
Mark on The Drew Barrymore Show: “Self-care is waking up on time.” That hits harder than it sounds.
Self-discipline is self-love. Parenting yourself is the real path. Especially when no one else is watching.
Do what your future self will thank you for—not what your present self finds comforting.

Underrated: Saunas and Heat Exposure

Sauna use has decades of robust science backing its health benefits. It’s not woo. It’s warm science.
Great for heart, immune system, and mental clarity. Some studies even suggest lower risk of dementia.
Unlike cold plunges, which are hyped but not supported by long-term studies, saunas are a sustainable wellness practice.
Mark owns both and says he uses the sauna every week, but wishes he never bought the cold plunge. “The ice tub is loud, leaks, and stresses me out.”
Heat exposure = low-effort, high-benefit. You sweat. You sit. You reboot.
Bonus: it helps sleep and mood. And there’s something ancient about it—like you’re in dialogue with your biology.

Overrated: Therapy Without Fit

Therapy isn’t magic. It depends on the therapist and the relationship. Chemistry matters.
The best therapists drive 10x the results of average ones. The worst? They make people worse. Yes, that’s real.
Don’t just pick the first one you find. Test three or four. This is not Uber Eats—it’s brainwork.
Go in with honesty. The more you share, the more you get. Vulnerability is the entrance fee.
Good therapy ends when it should. It gives you tools, not dependency. It teaches you how to fire it.
A therapist is a mirror, not a savior. And a mirror only works when you face it.

Underrated: Purpose in Moderation

Purpose is helpful, but not everything needs to be meaningful. You’re allowed to do stuff just because it’s fine.
Life is full of boring errands, dull waits, and unsexy tasks. They’re not problems. They’re scaffolding.
Optimizing every moment for meaning burns you out. It’s hustle culture in spiritual drag.
It’s okay to just exist in a line at the post office. Or scroll memes without existential guilt.
Having some purpose = great. Needing everything to have purpose = exhausting. Balance beats maximalism.
The goal isn’t depth all the time. It’s rhythm. Seasons. Contrast.

Overrated: Cold Plunges and Optimizer Hype

Cold plunges are trendy but impractical. Expensive, noisy, maintenance-heavy. It’s an identity more than a habit.
Short bursts of adrenaline aren’t the same as long-term health gains. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s good.
Research is spotty and sample sizes are small. Science says: “maybe.” Hype says: “miracle.”
Cold plunges may feel good, but so does caffeine—doesn’t mean it’s transformative. Enjoy it. But stop pretending it’s enlightenment.
Most people are chasing optimization when they need basics. Sleep. Water. People. Movement.
If you can’t do the boring stuff, don’t chase novelty. Master the mundane first.

Underrated: God, Spiritual Community, Belief

Even as an atheist, Mark says belief systems are underrated. They give life shape and meaning.
Religious communities provide structure, support, and shared identity. They’re mental health scaffolding disguised as ritual.
Data shows religious people live longer and report stronger relationships. Faith often builds connection, not just conviction.
It’s not about dogma. It’s about connection. About awe. About surrendering the illusion of control.
Humans need awe, humility, and something bigger than themselves. Even science agrees: transcendence is psychologically protective.
A shared belief—however defined—reduces existential isolation. You belong somewhere. That matters.

Overrated: Psychedelics for Optimization

Psychedelics show promise—for serious mental health cases. But microdosing for productivity is a parody of science.
The average healthy person microdosing for a “1% edge” is playing pretend. You don’t need psilocybin. You need boundaries.
Trials work because they’re controlled, guided, and patient-specific. Not because your tech bro said so.
They’re not shortcuts to wisdom. They’re tools, not toys. And they require respect.
Some people have very bad trips that derail them for years. That risk is real. Not just theoretical.
Insight isn’t earned through intensity. It’s earned through integration.

Underrated: Boredom and Just Being Alive

You don’t have to optimize every moment. In fact, please don’t.
Boredom isn’t a problem. It’s presence. It means you’re not distracting yourself from yourself.
Standing in line, waiting at a stoplight—it’s life happening. Let it. Breathe in that smallness.
Exist in it without needing to elevate or escape. Ordinary isn’t empty. It’s sacred.
It might be the most radical thing you do. Because boredom is where ideas are born. Where reflection lives.
Turn down the noise and you might actually hear yourself.

Some habits get hyped into fantasy. Others get dismissed as mundane. But real change doesn’t come from novelty. It comes from choosing the right small things, over and over—until they’re not habits anymore. They’re just who you are.