Airbnb Staff Eng on Untold Rules of Calibrations and How To Not Get Stuck at Senior

Navigating the upper echelons of software engineering requires more than just technical brilliance. Whether you are oscillating between individual contributor (IC) and management roles, or attempting the difficult leap from Senior to Staff Engineer, the rules of engagement often shift from explicit coding tasks to implicit influence and strategy. Lauron, a Staff Engineer and Manager with a resume spanning Stripe, Airbnb, Instagram, and Apple, offers a rare glimpse behind the curtain of performance calibrations, effective coaching, and the mindset required to scale your career.

Drawing from his experience leading infrastructure teams and optimizing developer productivity, Lauron breaks down the "untold rules" of the industry. From the psychology of performance reviews to the concrete difference between Senior and Staff levels, his insights provide a tactical roadmap for engineers feeling stuck or ready for their next major transition.

Key Takeaways

• The "Surprise Factor" Metric: A successful performance review should have zero surprises. If an engineer is surprised by their rating—even a positive one—it indicates a failure in ongoing feedback and coaching.
• Situational Leadership: There is no "one-size-fits-all" management style. Effective leaders toggle between directing, coaching, supporting, and delegating based on the team member's competence and motivation.
• The Senior-to-Staff Gap: The primary differentiator is agency. Senior Engineers solve problems they are given; Staff Engineers identify the problems that need solving before they are assigned.
• Friction Logging: To operate at a Staff level, channel your "inner frustration." rigorously document every snag in a process (friction logs) to identify high-impact systemic improvements.
• Boredom is a Signal: Career stagnation often manifests as boredom. Use this signal to pivot, whether that means switching companies or transitioning between IC and management tracks.

The Fluidity of IC and Management Roles

The traditional career ladder suggests a linear climb, but many of the most effective leaders treat the IC and Management tracks as a pendulum. Transitioning into management offers a broader perspective on organizational incentives, while returning to an IC role allows you to apply those leadership skills to technical execution.

The "Surprise Factor" in Performance Reviews

One of the most stressful aspects of management is the performance review. To mitigate anxiety and ensure alignment, Lauron implemented a metric called the "Surprise Factor." Before delivering a review, he asks the report to write down their expected rating and promotion status while he does the same. They reveal them simultaneously.

"If it matches, it's a pass. If it doesn't match, it's a fail because you want to minimize the surprise. Like if you're a good manager, you don't want people to have surprise at performance review time."

Crucially, positive surprises are also considered failures. If an employee is performing at a promotion level but doesn't know it, the manager has failed to coach them to take the necessary risks to solidify that promotion. Alignment must be continuous, not annual.

Boredom as a Career Compass

Staying in a role where you are no longer challenged is a recipe for stagnation. Boredom should be viewed as an urgent signal to change your context. This doesn't always mean leaving a company; it can mean pitching a new role to your manager. Lauron transitioned from IC to Manager at Airbnb by identifying a gap in team support and explicitly pitching the solution to his superior, framing it around the value he could provide to the team's growth.

The Untold Rules of Calibrations

Calibration meetings are often described as "black boxes" where decisions are made behind closed doors. Understanding the psychology of these meetings is essential for career survival. These sessions are where managers defend their proposed ratings against their peers, and they can be emotionally charged.

Navigating Local Rules and Bias

Every organization develops "local rules" over time—unwritten statutes such as "new grads can't be promoted in their first cycle" or "recent transfers automatically get a 'Meets Expectations' rating." These rules are often born from past precedents rather than official policy.

To successfully dispute these norms, you must understand the history behind them. Challenging a rule in a large group setting is rarely effective; it triggers defensiveness. Instead, gather evidence and have one-on-one conversations to understand the "why" before dismantling the rule. When metrics are involved, ensure they incentivize the right behavior.

"I have a rule. My rule is I will not tell people what to do. I will not reject a design outright... I managed to do all of my work and all the influence... by asking questions."

For example, if leadership suggests tracking "lines of code" or "number of PRs" to measure productivity—metrics universally loathed by engineers—counter-propose metrics that measure the journey of a code change. Tracking how long a change sits in review or CI provides actionable data on friction without incentivizing code bloat.

Mastering Situational Leadership

A common mistake among new managers and mentors is adhering to a single coaching style. Some pride themselves on being "hands-off," while others are micromanagers. However, effective leadership is dynamic. Lauron advocates for the Situational Leadership model, which categorizes support based on the learner's stage:

1. Directing: High motivation, low skill. The learner needs specific instructions (e.g., an intern on day one). "Hands-off" management here leads to failure.
2. Coaching: Motivation drops as the learner realizes the difficulty of the task. They need encouragement and explanation of decisions.
3. Supporting: Competence is rising, but confidence is variable. The leader facilitates decision-making but lets the report drive.
4. Delegating: High competence and high motivation. The leader steps back entirely.

Applying the wrong style to the wrong phase is disastrous. Treating a high-competence senior engineer with a "Directing" style is insulting, while treating a confused junior with a "Delegating" style is negligence.

The Leap from Senior to Staff Engineer

Moving from Senior to Staff is widely considered harder than moving from Staff to Senior Staff. The fundamental shift is not in coding speed or technical knowledge, but in the scope of problem identification.

Identifying vs. Solving Problems

Senior Engineers are typically excellent at solving defined problems. They receive a ticket or a design doc, and they execute it flawlessly. Staff Engineers, however, must handle the entire lifecycle of the problem.

"The key is to be able to identify problems and to then be able to pitch and then solve them... finding bigger problems than the one you currently know about."

A Staff Engineer does not wait to be told what is broken. They look at the organization holistically to find inefficiencies that others have accepted as "just the way things are."

The Power of Friction Logs

To develop this "problem-finding" muscle, Lauron recommends a practice heavily utilized at Stripe: the Friction Log. This involves using your own product or internal tools with a hyper-critical eye and documenting every single hurdle.

• Take screenshots of every loading screen.
• Note every confusing CLI command.
• Record every time you have to context switch.

By channeling your "inner frustration," you generate a list of 50-60 small issues. Grouping these issues often reveals a systemic failure—a large, high-impact problem that, once solved, justifies a Staff-level promotion. This method turns daily annoyances into strategic opportunities.

Conclusion

The landscape of software engineering changes rapidly; the interview questions of 2012 regarding golf balls in airplanes have been replaced by rigorous, recorded coding screens in 2025. Staying relevant requires constant adaptation—reading industry news, understanding the psychological dynamics of management, and shifting your mindset from execution to strategy. Whether you are optimizing a build pipeline or optimizing your career trajectory, the principle remains the same: identify the friction, pitch the solution, and execute with precision.